Fear is at the root of many problems; it leads us to resist the changes that would help solve our existing problems.

I wish I could share my experiences of dealing with fear in the same way as sharing recipes that never fail. I believe every one has to discover her/his own way to freedom from fear. When we name each fear for what it is, the fear seems to disappear. When I look back on life and the many truths I have learnt on dealing with fear, several instances come to mind. They stand out as milestones along my life’s journey.

I still remember vividly as a six year old how terrified I was at a recitation competition. I got on stage and started reciting a Kannada poem. The first few lines went fine then I burst into tears and kept repeating the same line. When I could not control my weeping anymore I walked off the stage. Fear was real but my age was such that I could not fathom what was happening to me.

“A tender word and simple gestures of love bring on radiant smiles”

I know now that my ego could not accept defeat. We fear failure for the disapproval it might bring or for the loss of self esteem. We fear telling the truth because others might not like us for it and we fear telling lies for the consequences we might have to face. We fear uncertainty, not knowing whether we will find what we are after. We fear the unknown for the danger it may contain.

Fear of what others will think can be very constricting and limiting. Ironically it is fear that keeps us from growing. Many years ago I was travelling with a musical show called India Arise. I used to do the costumes for the show and danced in it too. I could be very moody and plainly self centred. One evening as the show was going on I was backstage all by myself. Suddenly I heard a voice as though somebody was talking to me. It said "Would you be willing to give up dancing if God asked you to?" This bolt from the blue frightened me. I felt inferior to my friends on several counts and the only thing I felt I was good at was dancing. So it was a shock and there was an almighty struggle within me. Then and there it all came clear to me. If God had given me the talent I had no right to hold on to it as a sort of security blanket. Though it was a painful decision I surrendered it whole heartedly to God. I discovered that my fear was unfounded as God gave me many new ideas on how to use dance more effectively to reach out to people.

Fear harms our relationships. We fear being misunderstood; we fear being criticised and judged; we fear rejection; we fear we may not be listened to; we fear the reaction of others; we fear our sense of identity might be threatened.

And how do we react? We may not tell the truth about how we feel; we may be more interested in proving how right we are than hearing their point of view; we may want to make scapegoats of others; we may pretend to be listening - where as in fact we are listening to the constant chatter in our head, which is telling how wrong they are and how to respond; we may think of ways to make them fear us.

Where there is fear there is no place for love. I was very close to my father but I found my mother rather difficult. I feared her outbursts and felt she judged me harshly. A thought occurred that my mother needed my care and love. That I should tell her honestly what I was feeling inside and ask for her forgiveness for not being the kind of daughter I ought to have been. I also felt that I should do this in the presence of my sisters. So, with some trepidation, I said all I had thought. The result was amazing. My mother shared all that was weighing in her heart. We could feel the invisible wall that had been built up over some years disappear.

Meditation – an essential tool. Meditation is an extremely worthwhile process in and of itself, for it helps us to get in touch with our true selves. Brian L Weiss, famous American psychiatrist and author of many books says, “Getting to know ourselves is the best way to learn, for this is how we can ultimately transform our fears and limitations into power and joy".

Our hearts can show the way. The antidote to fear I believe is to cultivate our heart. Stories have strange power of attraction. The story of St. Francis of Assisi had a profound impact on me. I learnt to open my heart to suffering. I realized that I needed to dare to feel the pain. Fear is a coward but love is powerful. Fear excludes, controls and enjoys being all powerful. Love has no demands, accepts others as they are and sets them free.

In the Bhagavad Gita we find the greatest struggles of a human soul – Arjuna. The soul is afraid of death, the death of its passions and desires. Arjuna looks at Krishna the charioteer as a mere friend. Through his spiritual awakening when he realizes that Krishna is Lord God himself, his fears and doubts vanish. It is the vision of God as man, as the friend of the struggling soul. Whatever we do for a human being we do it for Him. In this spirit of compassion I am learning to work with children, most of whom come from single parent homes where mostly abusive language is used. A tender word and simple gestures of love bring on radiant smiles to their faces. In faith we have taken on this task. It is a movement of the heart. We are not governed by fear but by the heart.

Vijayalakshmi Subrahmanyan
Salem, Tamilnadu
(Member of Creators of Peace, Womens Initiative)
Programme of IofC