I was a bad parent. Yes, I admit it. I can make excuses: I suffered from post natal depression; my husband left me before my son’s fourth birthday; I had to go out to work to make ends meet and in England we do not usually have the strong family network associated with India. But these really are all excuses. I was, quite simply, not up to scratch when it came to parenting.

I could not get myself out of bed to get my son to school on time; he ate his meals in front of the television because it was just easier that way; I often felt too dispirited or too tired to read him bedtime stories.

When my son was eight years old I married again – to a man I thought would provide stability but instead turned out to be violent and suffering from mental illness. Unfortunately I did not leave him until my son was seventeen.

Today my son is well-educated, has a strong work ethic, is a deep thinker, talented writer and married to an Indian girl. I take no credit for his successes – I think that is more down to God and his genes. However, I do take responsibility for the fact that he has always suffered from his nerves and continually has to fight enormous feelings of low self esteem.

For years I beat myself up over my missed opportunities. Childhood is so short and cannot be repeated. I just wish I could have done it all again, as the person I am now. But that surely is the clue. We can only strive to be ‘good enough’ knowing what we know at the time.

I try never to read books on child rearing because they just emphasise the many mistakes I made. Instead I try to help other mothers like me wracked with guilt. We cannot change the past. We may have been selfish and self centred but we love our children; we have to live with our mistakes and our regrets but at the same time recognize that we did not consciously set out to be bad parents. We did the best we could at the time.

I freely admit my mistakes to my son – that is the only atonement I can make. And I hope that he will look at my example and bring up his children in a better way. So, for all of you out there who wish they could have been better parents: take heart. I believe that if we love our children they somehow grow up in spite of us!

Pamela Jenner
Journalist, England