I once heard someone say – “Be careful how you live, you may be the only Scripture some people read.” I can’t tell you how true it is for young impressionable minds. I am told Amal (not yet six) goes to the factory, picks up the products we make and comments on the quality. No points for guessing where he learnt that !!

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself …… You may give them your love, but not your thoughts …..”
The Prophet by Khalil Gibran.

Rashida and I have been blessed with two wonderful children, Amal who is now nearly six and Abeer who is almost four. So as of now we are amateurs in parenting! We thought that parenting would come naturally to ‘new parents’. On deeper reflection and observation, we realised that our approach would determine the future of these two human beings whose lives for many years would be completely in our hands. The interesting thing is that through our discussions on ‘how we should parent’ (and a few years down the road I am sure we could write an article on ‘Common mistakes of Parenting!!!’) our own relationship grew stronger because we had to understand the other and challenge our own paradigms to be unanimous for a larger interest. This was even more interesting as we were both products of completely different parenting styles.

So what is our formula? To put it simply, we believe we need to give them lots of love and a happy environment at home which will give them the security and confidence to navigate through whatever life has in store for them.

When we looked at parenting in this way and were conscious not to live our aspirations through our children, it gave us the freedom to completely enjoy them and we have learnt to love them and not their achievements (though this will get tested more as they grow older). What matters to us is not how much they know (though sometimes they take me by complete surprise like when they explained the plot of Kasauti Zindagi Ki) but how happy they are.

I once heard someone say – “Be careful how you live, you may be the only Scripture some people read.” I can’t tell you how true it is for young impressionable minds. I am told Amal (not yet six) goes to the factory, picks up the products we make and comments on the quality. No points for guessing where he learnt that !!

One often hears people complaining about children being exposed to undesirable television programmes, internet sites and growing up in a world of deteriorating values. Of course it is true and I am sure even our children will be exposed to many of these in spite of our best reasonable precautions. Of course there are chances they may experiment. Of course there are chances they may indulge. And I think the only preparation is for them to know that they have our unconditional love and support. I think it is this confidence which will allow them to live a meaningful life. At least I hope so!

I don’t think we concentrate on getting everything right all the time with our children. We are more focused on spending quality time, giving them experiences of enjoyment within our means, exposing them to varied experiences and yet allowing them the space to grow. Some day they will be off, building lives and families of their own. Rashida and I would never like to look back and say “if only we had ……”

Vivek Asrani
Businessman, Mumbai