Parenting demands a lot, physically and emotionally. Thankam Viswanathan shares some of the lessons she has learned.

I am a mother of five and grandmother of nine fine children. Each one of them is unique. They are God’s wonderful gifts to us. Vish and I have been married for over 51 years. Our children were small when Vish resigned from a multi-national oil company to work full time for MRA. It was not easy bringing up the children as Vish was away a lot and we didn’t have any regular income. Amazingly God guided us and provided for all our needs. We are so proud and grateful that all our children have become such good parents themselves. Parenting demands a lot, physically and emotionally. Let me share some of the lessons we learnt.

God's wonderful gifts to us

Children are influenced more by example than by precept. Their eyes and ears are upon us always. The first thing Vish and I decided was to have no shadows between us and to be absolutely honest with each other. We are both strong-willed and have firm views on many issues which are not always the same. We took a firm resolve not to fight in front of our children. Once, we were all having a time of quiet, listening to our inner voice. Our eldest son, Prasad, was first hesitant to share his thoughts. When we encouraged him, he said to me, ‘don’t nag father.’ And to his dad he said, ‘don’t blame Amma in front of others.’ It was a great lesson for us.

Children need the security of knowing that our love for them is absolute and unconditional. Spend quality time with them. Listen to your children. We can learn a lot from them. Take interest in what interests them. Get to know their friends. Picnics bring bonding. Some of the best times we had as a family were spent outdoors. Try to be your child’s best friend as well as best teacher. The child must feel free to be open with you about anything without fear of rejection.

Disciplining is necessary. Often parents abdicate this responsibility or swing from one extreme to the other by being authoritative or permissive thus making the child confused. Both parents must accept full and equal responsibility in this matter. Guidelines must be set for what type of behavior is not acceptable. The rationale for these guidelines should be discussed with the children.

Developing the child’s total character and personality, and inculcating ethical and spiritual values are more important than their academic performance. Appreciation of the beauty and diversity in nature; respect for different cultures and faiths; a concern for others; compassion for the underprivileged of the world and a deep love for India are among the virtues we tried to impart to our children. Encourage them to read and find out more about the great men and women of the past and present.

The greatest gift you can give your child is a real living faith and friendship with God. If we seek His help and guidance in all matters, He will speak to us through our inner voice and lead us on the right path one step at a time.

A prayer of Tulsidas, the great saint of India, was translated by Gandhiji in these words:

‘This and this alone is true religion –
To serve my brethren;
This is sin, above all sin,
To harm thy brethren.’

Let’s teach our children the same cardinal truth condensed by Vyasa in just four words: ‘Paropakaram Punyam, Parapeedanam Papam’, ‘serving others is virtue, harming others is sin.’

Thankam Viswanathan
Bangalore